eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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