so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
