when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
