mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
