I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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