Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
