It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
