That's when you crack a 10am beer
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
