all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
