I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
