Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
