i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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