maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
