I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Soap is not a condiment
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize