Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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