Yo dont text me then not text me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
