shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
