some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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