The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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