just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize