He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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