Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
cat food counts as protein by the way
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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