someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
