You're a womanizer and a bitch.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
