If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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