Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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