We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
