1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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