Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
