So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
