I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
