so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
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guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.