Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(604): View more from British Columbia

Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.

Fav 13 863 1030
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.

Fav 15 2014 912
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(405): View more from Oklahoma

If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.

Fav 10 906 3906
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.

Fav 20 1011 7271
share tweet
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(907): View more from Alaska

i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....

Fav 28 2372 4788
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.

Fav 16 9289 1475
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(502): View more from Kentucky

What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??

Fav 25 1711 2925
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(773): View more from Illinois

He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work

Fav 0 922 418
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.

Fav 1 720 377
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT