Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.