Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
