I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
