Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Blood and glitter go together right?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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