remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
