I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm too high and old for this...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
