Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
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Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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