Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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