My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
