Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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