I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
