whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
