You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
