dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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