At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
