just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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