i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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