Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
