I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
