At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
