I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
