and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
