4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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