I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.