right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
