Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.

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(516): Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits. http://tfl.nu/o0ux

Replies (86) Good night (1220) Bad night (2641)
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(+27): View more from South Africa

I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.

(+27): View more from South Africa

I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.

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(+27): I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake. (+27): I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better. http://tfl.nu/rfir

Replies (39) Good night (4177) Bad night (1552)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..

(614): View more from Ohio

ya and it worked didnt it??

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(412): you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron.. (614): ya and it worked didnt it?? http://tfl.nu/b3g5

Replies (27) Good night (6472) Bad night (581)
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(440): View more from Ohio

One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm

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(440): One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm http://tfl.nu/xdgb

Replies (16) Good night (5609) Bad night (598)
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(773): View more from Illinois

I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.

(847): View more from Illinois

Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.

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(773): I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant. (847): Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you. http://tfl.nu/48mv

Replies (63) Good night (2915) Bad night (6081)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.

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(908): Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage. http://tfl.nu/uh3k

Replies (14) Good night (5737) Bad night (1261)
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(415): View more from California

so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?

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(415): so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then? http://tfl.nu/dz1l

Replies (19) Good night (3507) Bad night (1005)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys

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(860): We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys http://tfl.nu/i7wv

Replies (2) Good night (2249) Bad night (1210)
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(214): View more from Texas

There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.

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(214): There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/17ls

Replies (7) Good night (1601) Bad night (780)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.

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(484): i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen. http://tfl.nu/hdza

Replies (16) Good night (3947) Bad night (824)
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(618): View more from Illinois

She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed

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(618): She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed http://tfl.nu/19hm

Replies (9) Good night (1000) Bad night (1381)
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(207): View more from Maine

HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.

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(207): HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health. http://tfl.nu/zxtp

Replies (9) Good night (1120) Bad night (364)
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(650): View more from California

I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?

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(650): I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night? http://tfl.nu/apf6

Replies (4) Good night (668) Bad night (501)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.

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(317): Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life. http://tfl.nu/xt94

Replies (1) Good night (739) Bad night (201)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay

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(402): why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay http://tfl.nu/d49s

Replies (2) Good night (216) Bad night (620)

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