I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
