any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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