I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
