Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
