My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Randomize
