The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
