anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
