Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
from now on my penis is your penis
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize