I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
