we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
