One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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