'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
