we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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