trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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