Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
