that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
