we have officially lost it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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