a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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