I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
