The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
