I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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